laugh....

i needed a good laugh today....

the last few days have been really hard for me...

i am missing my husband something fierce and well, to be honest, it's got me in a rut....which is a place that i do not often visit...

and then we went to soccer practice and of course i took pictures...

and i saw this...

and i laughed until i literally had tears streaming down my face...i am actually still laughing...

this child of mine can turn my darkest days around...

the things she says...like tonight for instance "why do i have to take the ball away from the other kids, that's not nice"

the things she does....

like the time she "forgot" to put her panties on while dressing herself one morning...off we went to drop avery off at school and then we were off to the gym...not until i was finished with my two hour work out and i she was laying on the floor for me to put her tennis shoes on did i actually SEE that she was showing her girly goodies to the entire gym day care....i still laugh (to myself of course when i think about that)

her facial expressions...revert back to picture one again...it says it all!!!!

i thank God for her everyday....that He would put someone so very special in my life...

she is so very special to me....

she is my heart, my love

and can turn my frown upside down any day!!!

happy hump day friends.................GO VIPERS!!!

x's & o's
~r~

happy birthday mom

the relationship between my mom and i is very special, and that is the truth.

my mom means the world to me....

from birth she has been my protector, my nourisher and has bestowed upon me an abundance of love and care....

she has sacrificed many things in life to give the best to me, my sister and my brother...

thank you mom for all of the unconditional love that you have given me

thank you mom for all the pain and sacrifice it took to raise me to be the person i am today...

thank you for forgiving me when i was wrong....

thank you for your unconditional love....

thank you for holding me and standing by me when it felt as though the whole world condemned me for the choices i made and the roads i took...whether they be the right ones or wrong ones...i could and still can count on you to be there...holding me...standing by my side....

thank you for being by my side when i needed you and when i thought that i didn't need you...

thank you for creating memories with me that i will remember forever and always....

your love for me is something that will never be able to be explained with words...

your love is endless and unselfish and enduring......

even when your heart was broken only the way a mothers heart can break for her child your love has never failed or faltered.....

without you i would not have achieved what i have achieved.....

without you i would not be the mother that i have become....

you my mother have taught me to fly...to achieve things and become things you dreamed of for yourself but were not sure how or if you could obtain them....for that i am forever grateful...

you my mother, are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen....

all i am i owe to you.....

you my dear mother, you are the truest friend i will ever have....

i thank my lucky stars for everything you have ever given me, but mostly for the unconditional love that that you give, never skipping a beat.....

i hope that your 60th birthday was bigger and better than you could have ever imagined or dreamed that it would be....

i hope that the memories that we created for you will stay with you forever just as the memories that you created for me through my life i still hold very close to my heart....

i love you forever and always mom.....happy happy birthday!!!

x's & o's
~r~

i'm sorry

i'm going to be straight forward....

i lose my patience with my girls sometimes...lately it's becoming more frequently and for silly things. often i am cynical, or short, or downright impatient and mean.

i lose it and i raise my voice. closing my eyes and counting to ten sometimes just doesn't work.

i am not the type of mommy that will tell you i have never raised my voice at my children.

as soon as i do a little piece of me dies inside...i look into their eyes and i cringe when i see fear. i never want my children to fear me.

as soon as i raise my voice i wish i hadn't...but you can't undo the already done.

i wish i were the woman with the kind words and gentle touch at all times. the woman with the mild temperament and the gentle but firm tone at all times.

but i'm not.

i know it's about tone. i have taken several child psychology classes and have read dr. dobson's books on parenting...i know it's about the tone, not the volume of the voice.

but sometimes i still lose it. sometimes i can't stop it.

it's hard. it's hard when the other parent is thousands of miles away and everything goes wrong at the same time. like when the sink in the kitchen is over flowing, the toilet is stopped up because one of the darling dears put a bouncey ball from old navy in it, the phone is ringing, there is marker on big baby (adilyn's favorite doll) and i just dropped the canister with 5 pounds of fine grain sugar in it all over my kitchen floor that i had just mopped and swept.

oh did i scream. i stood in the middle of the living room feeling lost and hopeless and helpless and aggravated and just defeated and just let out a scream.

and it felt good. it felt so good.

and then i glance over and see my girls staring at me with wide eyes and silent mouths.

and then i felt bad. felt bad that i lost it. right there in the middle of my living room.

oh i scooped them up and told them i was having a bad day...told them i was sorry and that i loved them more than anything....

the lesson...my children learning that parents aren't perfect. that we make mistakes and we have bad days and we occasionally lose it...and it's ok...because it would be a bigger travesty for my children to grow up thinking that mommy is perfect..because i am not. i make mistakes. we all make mistakes and teaching my children that it is ok to make mistakes and to say "i'm sorry" is an important life lesson.

i know that i will yell again. and i know that when i do i will feel horrible and i will wish i hadn't done it.

but i will never. EVER. be too big of a person or too proud to get down and look my girls in their eyes and tell them that i am so sorry. and hug them and love on them.

happy monday friends

x's & o's
~r~

she titillates me

she has since birth....i believe she always will....

with her big heart, few words, beautiful eyes, caring soul.

she tickles me with the things she says.

right now she calls licking "icking", vitamins "mightymens", coke "coke-coke", tea "tea-tea", avery "avwey", oh i could go on...i could listen to my sweet girl for hours. the way she says things just slays me.

she is adamant, stubborn, easily heart-broken, sensitive, a girl of few words, a tad bit bossy, painfully shy.

she wears her heart on her sleeve and is not afraid to show you her emotions.

it takes her time to warm up to you but when she does, her heart she gives you forever.

she gives the biggest and best hugs that have turned my mood around on more than one occasion.

she is a snuggler and a cuddler...her favorite spot right now is curled up in a ball on my lap...and to be honest....i do not mind one bit.

she is doing well in school. loves her teacher. could do without the "noisy kids" (her words, not mine). is recognizing the majority of the alphabet and her numbers. loves spending time at part day pre-school and learning lots. she is smart this one, maybe too smart for her own good.

she is starting to toy with the idea of challenging me, showing a bit of her sassy side...i got her number on speed dial though.

this one. she thinks she's tough, hard core and all that. but the moment that she gets scared, hurt or just feels bad she comes running to me, her safe place to fall.

she is so particular in everything that she does. everything!

she is my little mimic. she "sews" when i sew, "talks on the phone" when i'm on the phone, does her "business" on the computer when i am dealing with my business on the computer. everything i do she does, she flatters me, she really does.

she takes "big baby" with her everywhere we go. more times than not "big baby" has to stay in the car as i am a little embarrassed by how she looks. (the girls decided they needed to pull out her eyelashes over one eye and write all over her with pen and try as i might i can't get it off).

she loves pretending. dancing. singing. and dress-up. (as long as she can do it undetected....this one will never yearn to be in the spotlight, she's more of a behind the scenes type of girl!)

she is trying to be more independent everyday, i'm not sure how i fell about that or if i am ready for that.

she is a delight.

she is my heart.

this kid and i....we have a special bond.

and i really, honestly don't' understand how there was life...real heart-breaking, gut wrenching, scared out of your wits, the feeling of responsibility and being held accountable, laugh until you pee your pants, gut wrenching life....before my girls came along .

*i want to thank the amazing Audrey Coley...she is an amazing photographer (she did all of the pictures above as well as so many more of the girls i have and is collaborating on a new project with me)...an amazing friend....inspirational....feeds my creative side...you are wonderful dear friend. Thank you so much for being in my life*

have a wonderful thursday dear friends

x's & o's
~r~