the knock

i never thought that i would be scared of a knock on the door...not just scared but petrified....

but i am...and last night i found out just how terror-stricken i would be from something as simple as a knock on the door...

i went to bed as usual last night...i was able to talk to colby on the phone for a bit....we chatted about our day, the girls, what we want to do when he gets home....just our usual conversation...he said good night...i told him good morning and then off i went to bed.....

i was awoke by a knock...let me rephrase that...i woke up to what sounded like someone beating my door down...

not a simple knock...not a knock of authority...but a knock that demanded that i rip myself from blissful slumber....

i somewhat staggered, somewhat threw myself out of my bed trying to get my barrings about me...trying to shake the sleep from my head and to rationalize what is playing out before me...

everything that happens next felt as though i was watching a movie being played in slow motion....i know in my head that it was only a few brief moments, but it felt like a lifetime

as i raced down the hall i made a mental note that both of the doors to my children's room were closed just as they were when i went to bed....

i hear the beating on the door again as i approach the top of the stairs....

at the top of the stairs there is a window....somehow, someway i had enough sense about me to peer out of the window to make sure that we would not be in eminent danger by me going down the stairs to try and figure out who is beating my door in....

all time stops at the sight before me as i am looking through the slats in the blinds....

there are a multitude of law enforcement vehicles, marked and unmarked....

my heart feels as though it stops for a moment...

my hands start to shake.....

my mind is going a million miles a minute playing through all of the scenarios as to why this is happening....and i keep going back to the only thing that i can logically think of....something has happened to my husband...why else would this scene be playing out before my eyes....

i want to wake up from this dream...i don't want this to be happening...

i don't cry...i think at this point i am too numb to cry...

now i am not as anxious to get down the stairs....

maybe if i don't answer the door they will go away and i won't be delivered news that will forever change my life, my girls life....our lives as we know them....

i finally scrounge up enough courage to make my way down the 14 stairs and put my hand on the lock above the door knob....

the door unlocks....

as soon as i open the door i am immediately bombarded with flashlights....

surely this is not how they give a death notification....scaring the bejeebeez's out of someone by the "knocking" on the door and then assaulting them with flashlights to the eyes...this can't be right....

i was asked to step outside...so here i am in my pajamas...hair looking a hot mess...standing outside with no shoes on (thank the Lord it wasn't cold out there and that i do sleep with clothing on) in front of about 6 military police officers....

i can not see their faces because i have been blinded by what seems to have been 100,000 watts of light coming from their flashlights....

i put my hand up to shield my eyes and seeing that the pajama clad chick poses no threat they put away their flashlights and ask me if everything is ok....

really...ummmm...no...you scared the living s*** out of me...no, i'm not ok...no everything is not alright....

after a brief conversation with these officers i learn that there was a 911 call in for a domestic dispute but there was no specific housing unit given, only a building number so they were questioning everyone in the building...

i felt like hugging each and everyone of those men who were looking at me...it wasn't about my husband...he was ok...he was safe...he was alive....

but for a moment in time i felt terror...fear...horror and so many more emotions that even now it is hard to wrap my head around them....

what if that knock had not been for a domestic dispute...what if something had happened to colby.....

so tonight...give your spouse an extra hug...hold them tight....act as though you do not want to let go...my heart goes out to anyone who has ever had "that" knock at their door...

x's & o's
~r~

fall

my favorite time of the year....

the colorful leaves....i love taking drives and soaking in all of the brilliant reds, oranges and browns....it is just breathtaking and i am always in awe at the beauty...

chilly nights....the kind where you sit outside with friends or loved ones and huddle together by a fire...or leave the windows cracked open and pile on the blankets in bed...create a cozy cocoon....

the bluest skies...when the summer haze clears out, the sky deepens and brightens to a limitless blue...i could get lost in a fall blue sky...

afternoon light....when the sun rides close to the horizon and the light slants in from the side, the trees blaze. i love that light, even though it means it will be night soon...

the smell of wood smoke...for some reason i find that smell very soothing....

hot apple cider...it's about the ONLY thing hot that i will drink....

halloween...that goes without saying as it is my favorite holiday of the entire year...i love absolutely everything about halloween....

sweats and hoodies and socks...the long fuzzy knee socks that are bright in color....fall clothes are so comfortable...and it's the perfect time for layers...no need for a coat quite yet...

pumpkin patches and hay rides....nothing like taking a hay ride through a pumpkin patch with your children...the giggles, the excitement the nip in the air...

breaking out the crockpot or the big soup pot and finding new recipes for hearty soups and stews....have them cook all day and the aromas in the house are just scrumptious....


i can't wait for fall...the cool breezes that make the fallen leaves dance....the cool temperatures...the pumpkin picking...the corn mazes...bon fires....the smells....oh i can't wait...can you?

happy monday all

x's & o's
~r~

soc-who?

a month ago avery asked if she could sign up to play soccer this year....adilyn's response...

"sock - who....who are you going to sock sissy?"

i hurriedly explained to her that it was a game and of course the next words out of her mouth were "i wanna sock her too mommy".....soooooo i signed both girls up for soccer....

avery has yet to start....her first practice is next week...adilyn started this week and OH MY GOODNESS....if you want/need a good laugh my suggestion to you is to watch a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds run around on the field for an hour.....it is roll on the ground funny...even avery didn't get bored watching!!

a little side note...i was very upset with myself for not checking the charge on my camera battery...i get to the field and after the first ten minutes the camera decided it needed a nap...boooooooooooooooo!!

so we start with some sit-ups....she wasn't too enthused about these...

can you see the enthusiasm in her face about the sit-ups...i don't blame her....that's how i look when my gym nazi christina told me to come up with a new ab routine....i think the face below is the exact face i gave her!!!

on to running in place....this seemed to be more her cup of tea...after all, she HAD to run up and down the isles of target with her cleats on to prove to me that they make her go "supa fast"

then we move onto every body's favorite....jumping jacks....or more like jump up and down...wave your hands in the air and then throw in a few claps for good measure....

warm-up is over...team stands in a circle and discuss what is next on the agenda........(please make a note that adilyn has the same problem her mamma does....poor girl is always having to hike up her pants....not sure why...we both have plenty of junk in our trunks but the pants just do not seem to stay where they are supposed to)

SNACK TIME....and they all come running....all 5 of them!!!! 4 little boys just as cute as can be and my baby girl....the boys on the team already love her...this one...i tell you she is going to have every male around her wrapped around her little finger....she is trouble i tell you!!

just look at those sweet sweet little shin guards...and the cleats...cutest things EVER....i mean come on....white and pink soccer socks....white and pink shin guards....black super little, super cute cleats with pink trim....the only thing that could possibly be better than this if they were trimmed in purple!!!!!!!!!!

boy was she ever ready for her break...and this was just after 15 minutes of warm-up..in her defense it was hot with no breeze...i am looking forward to the cooler days...oh how i am longing for those cooler days!!!

i tell you...that coach....a daddy of one of the little boys on the team and also a solider....he deserves some type of award for taking on coaching 3 and 4 year olds....i tell you...it's like herding a bunch of bouncing tiggers....they are all bouncing in different directions all at the same time...if it were me i would probably have a flask of something hidden in the cooler just to get through an hour practice....hysterical i tell you!!!

notice the pose....this was how she stood when she wasn't kicking the ball...when she wasn't kicking the ball...when she was running after the ball...when she was being the goalie....

i asked her after practice why she always had her hands on her head....her response...

"mommy...coach said i can't touch the ball...so i stuck my hands on my head to mind (remind) me not to touch it.....i don't want to get in trouble!" she is SO her mother's child!!!

and yes...those are matching pink bows she is wearing.....

everything is better when it's done with bows.....didn't you know that??!!?!?!

happy sunday friends

x's & o's
~r~

proud

that is what i am.....

so very proud that i have the privilege to call her my daughter...

today was her very first spelling test......E V E R....

we studied....boy did we study.....every morning at breakfast she pulled out a piece of paper and i would call out the words from the kitchen as i was making her lunch for school....and then again every afternoon when she got home from school we would do it again....

i didn't have to push or badger her to study...she took the initiative......so i took her cue and we studied....wrote the words carefully...spelled them together....found them in books we were reading...and all the while i would just sit back and look at her in amazement...when did my baby grow up....when did she become such a little lady????

i wanted her to do well because she wanted to do well...not because i want her to be perfect....not because i am going to be "one of those moms"

and it paid off....

she came running down the hill with a peice of paper in her hand shouting "guess what mommy, guess what?" over and over all the while trying to hide her excitement so i could guess while she was so excited.....

i played along with a sly smile on my face....gave a few guesses....

"did you get picked to read allowed?"

"did you get your favorite snack in your lunch?"

"did you get to be the paper passer outter?'"

"no mommy" she replied..... "i did it mommy....i did it!!!!"

and that is what she did...she did it....she spelled all of her words correctly....to include the 3 bonus words.....

i gathered her in my arms and gave her a huge hug and told her that i was over the moon proud of her and that her daddy was going to be just as proud when i tell him....

we celebrated with sharing a root beer and a few cookies and then off we went to pick up adilyn from part day pre-school....

my hope for her is that she continues to have such a passion for learning and a thirst for knowledge....that she finds things that interests her and peaks her interests...which right now happen to be all things science and art....

i do not have the expectation for my children to be perfect....i want them to do their best even if their best is not perfect....no one is perfect and before avery hopped out of the car this morning as i was dropping her off i told her even if she doesn't get them all right as long as she does her very best i will be proud of her....

that child of mine does not need any added pressure from mamma......she puts plenty of pressure on herself to excel...that is just who she is...guess she did pick up a few traits from her good ol' mamma!!!

happy friday friends

x's & o's
~r~

gotta minute.....

someone asked me today if i had a minute....here is what ran through my head.....now take a deep deep D E E P breath....

try new shampoo. make avery's lunch. clip coupons from newspaper insert while fixing breakfast for the girls and myself. , get girls ready for the day to include priming and priming for 2 little divas (normally this includes changing their mind on their outfit that they picked out the night before. drop avery off at school (musn't' forget to roll the back windows down so adilyn can yell "love you sissy...be good at school". drive 20 minutes to the gym to get my a** handed to me in my spin class or p90 class (whichever day it happens to be) and then after my a** has been handed to me for an hour i get tortured for another hour with some weights and ab work. drive home and if no one is looking stop at mcdonalds for their $1 coke (hey i just worked out...it's allowed right??!?!?! fix lunch for adilyn and try to find something to stuff down my throat. rush off to the shower. do hair. throw on some make-up time permitting. take adilyn to school. rush home to answer the copious amounts of emails received in the last 24 hours. grab a handful of peanuts (those are allowed.....right!?!?!?!?) try to get as much sewing done as humanly possible...or maybe not so human....i do have a robot mode...don't you know??!?! drink 8 glasses of water. do some glute squeezes while sewing. meet avery at the half way point from school. go home and get the first stages of dinner together. have avery read me a story. go over homework, notes, or whatever other flyer's are in the every growing stack sent home each and every night. get packages ready for the post office. grab avery by the arm and throw her in the car. pick adilyn up from school. go to the post office. drive past the drive-thru. replace the toilet paper roll (why do i feel like i do this every other day?) remember nothing is as bad as it seems. explain to adilyn what "you are what you eat" means. get dinner ready. charge cell phone. feed the children. clean the kitchen. figure out what is for dinner tomorrow night so you can start the thawing process. stick $1 in avery's book bag for snow cone day. bathe the children. pick out our outfits for the next day to include any and all accessories. work as hard as i can. braid the girls hair. pick up the stray socks found in the hallway. RSVP for a party. stop and give the kids a big hug and kiss. check the weather. remember to drive slower and avoid quick starts to preserve the life of my car for the next few months. think about exercising more. shred mail. pay bills online. transfer money into savings. check the mailbox. iron the clothes. write a to-do list with the #1 thing being put the laundry away. clean the bathroom. read a few bedtime stories. put the kids to bed. remind yourself to eat out less. trade the coke in your hand for a water. do christina's ab workout during commercials of big brother. check emails again. sweep kitchen floor. laugh at a joke. step on the scale. pick yourself up off the floor after looking down while standing on the scale. get on the scale one more time to see if there was some type of malfunction. tell yourself to weigh in the morning as soon as you wake up for a more accurate weight. put library books in the library bag and set by the front door. look for healthy recipes. try to make a blog post. wait for hubby's phone call. read the glamour magazine from two months ago that is still in the plastic. answer hubby's call. tell him about your day. get off the phone and put it on the charger. check and respond to emails one last time. make sure water bottles are filled for the next torture session at the gym. jot down your grocery list on the back of the receipt sitting by the microwave. turn the lights off. turn the lights back on. start a to do list because calling the dentist keeps getting forgotten. turn the lights off. creep upstairs so to not wake the kiddos. crawl into bed. set the alarm for 5:30am to get the stuff done you weren't able to do today done before the kids wake up. read the latest james patterson novel until your eyes close while you are still holding the book. wake up and turn the light off. pass out......

sure i have a minute....what do you need?

the average day in the life of me.....happy thursday sweet sweet friends

x's & o's

~r~

no sister's allowed

a little background.....about a year ago avery made a "no sister's allowed" sign to hang on her door.....

we had a little talk...maybe a bit of a lecture...about how that would make her feel

how it would hurt her feelings if someone hung a sign on their door that said that she couldn't enter.....

it was decided at that time that the note would not adorn her door...and we would put it away with all of her other art work....

mind you...this was when avery was 5 and adilyn was 2

so the note was put away and was not thought about again....at least i had forgotten about it...seemingly i was the only one who forgot about it!!!!

from the pictures below you will deduct that avery's long lost note is not longer tucked safely away...

i go upstairs after getting home from the gym to find this:

the first picture is avery's door.....

second picture is adilyn's door.....

*please excuse the not so great pictures...the lighting is not all that desirable up there*

curious to see what the "signs" say???

this is avery's note.....

written over a year ago....

in brief...it says "no adilyn" at the top and underneath it says....."yes it does...this means you" not real sure about the word order in the sentence but you get the point....

no sister's allowed!!!!

avery decided she was going to hang that on her door this morning while i was making sure the lunch box was in her book bag, my water bottle and towel were in my gym bag and i had my purse and keys and everything else i needed....so it's safe to say that i was not paying 100% attention to exactly what she was doing....

in retaliation and with a few...ok A LOT of hurt feelings adilyn decided she was going to hang her "no sister's" allowed sign...

it looked like this:

what is that you ask?

it is a big monster....please note that there are two different "people" in this picture...

and inside the belly of the big monster is avery....

adilyn explained with a look of innocence on her face and sweetness in her voice that avery tried to go into her room so the monster ate her....

so as i sit here and the girls are in bed with their "no sister's" allowed signs hanging on their doors i giggle to myself....

i know that they are not going to get along with each other all of the time....

i know that there are going to be bruised feelings....

shouting matches.....

"borrowed" clothes......

"lost" make-up or nail polish or whatever coveted item one or the other has...

arguments over who's turn it is....

tears and contention between the two....

but there is also going to be hugs and hand holding....

giggling and laughing together only like little girls can do...

playing and creating and imagining taking trips together to far off lands that only the two of them will journey to....

sharing secrets that will be kept to the death...or until they are old enough they will not get in trouble from mom or dad.....

as much as these girls pick and prod and antagonize each other they have a bond that is strong and builds more and more as each day passes....

i look forward to watching them grow and develop as individuals.....but it is just as exciting to watch them grow as sisters....

a sister is a forever friend and as the girls get older i hope that they find that a sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.....

happy hump day dear friends....

x's & o's
~r~

10 Day Challenge - Day 10

day 10 - ten secrets

who doesn't have secrets.....i think it's an undeniable factor that not one of use are open books...

i find that in the past ten years, as time goes by, i learn new things about colby....and i'm sure, in return, he learns things about me

not all secrets are bad....some secrets are just undiscovered tid bits of knowledge that a person holds within them until they are ready to share these little known facts....

so here are mine...some of you might already know them...so of you might not...and some of them might be a little on the scandalous side....*GASP*...shocking...I know!!!!

1. i'm seriously crushing on my husband...the butterflies in my tummy...sweaty hands....stumbling of the tongue....flushed cheeks...rapid heart beat...nervous over the moon feeling....i am so totally crushing on him....he is my heart and without him here i do not feel complete

2. after my freshmen year of college i moved home to my parents house and got a job as a server in this little sea food joint called the barberry coast...it was an eclectic place and the owner was also on the eclectic side....this place had a restaurant on one side and the other side was a night club....complete with table top cages...so in addition to waiting tables for lunch and dinner...i became a cage dancer after the restaurant side closed...(*disclaimer...i was FULLY clothed*) in addition to having a rockin' summer.....i made enough money to pay cash for my entire year sophomore year of college without taking any loans out.....best summer EVER!!!!

3. i do not make my bed everyday....i know....it's a shock...but i don't....and i don't' make my kids make their beds everyday....

4. i am not 100% happy with my physical appearance....i do not think i'm horrid but i always find things about my outward appearance that i can change....so for now i work out hard...try to eat healthy and use sunscreen....

5. i sometimes have a desire to go back to work...it's not a strong desire and it normally goes away very quickly but i sometimes miss work...miss the adult interaction...but it is not worth it to me...my focus right now is my children and giving them the best foundation that i can...

6. i sometimes wait two to three weeks before i put the clean laundry away...i totally despise putting the laundry away...maybe it's because i have to walk up 2 flights of stairs to put it away but yah...i loath putting the laundry away...

7. i sometimes scold my children for being children...you know...for doing silly things...making too much noise...not listening to me the first time around...i attribute this to stress and the fact that daddy is 7000+ miles away and it is something that i work on daily....actually i work on it by the minute....i'm getting better and i apologize to my children as i think it is important to say "i'm sorry"...but it is also important for them to know that i am human and i make mistakes...

8. i am addicted to shopping...not so much shopping but finding the deals...like the converse for $6 for the kids....the jeans for $2.48 for the girls...clearance fabric...shoes for me (preferably heels even though i hardly ever wear them because i would feel like a freak of nature) but right now i'm digging target...who doesn't love target...they had hot hot hot heels for $5...i was in heaven...

9. i dye my hair....yup...not a natural red head...i have been dying my hair since i was a freshman in high school...it just kind of stuck with me...i actually went to a dark brown about 2 years ago and i just didn't feel like "me"....i am a red head through and through...even if i need help from a bottle....

10. i was on a dart league when i was in college.....i played with a bunch of men...i was the only chick throwing, but i was good and i loved it and i had fun...when hubby came home for r&r we had the wonderful opportunity to spend a few days just him and i...one of the things we did was to play darts...oh how it brought back memories......

so there you have it...ten secrets...some you may know...some you might not...some you could care less about....but there they are...

on another note....

i have had the pleasure of being a pattern tester for some absolutely wonderful and talented pattern designers in the past....

over the weekend i had the opportunity to test a pattern for whimsy couture....the retro romper....i am in love love L O V E with it....and adilyn rocked it!!!

i mean seriously...who would not love this...i want one in my size!!!!

she is not a huge ham in front to of the camera....usually she has to be coaxed and bribed......

but for some reason...today she needed no prodding from mamma....she rocked the romper as well as the camera!!!

oh how i love this girl of mine....and this romper patter.....be still my heart...

happy sunday lovely readers.....i hope that you have had a wonderful weekend!!!

x's & o's
~r~

10 Day Challenge - Day 9

day nine - 9 loves

1. my husband....oh how i adore that man....

we have not had a "perfect" marriage but who does....and people who say that they do are living in a fantasy world and i always wonder how "happy" are you really...putting on a facade...pretending that things are perfect 100% of the time..

the one thing that has been constant for our almost ten years of marriage is love...no matter how much i give him the silent treatment...no matter how much he tries to ignore me...no matter how much i nag him...no matter how much he tries to sweep things under the rug...we know that we love each other....

the one thing that we have promised each other is to ALWAYS say "i love you" when leaving the house or getting off the phone...even if we are mad and to never say things in the "heat of the moment"....

it is so much easier to spout off at the mouth than to hold your tongue and think to yourself what you are getting ready to say and how it is going to make the other person feel....

i love that man of mine...he is a good man....a dedicated man....a strong man....a loving man....an honorable man....and he is mine...i'm a lucky girl!!

2. my children....even on the days that i want to lock myself in the closet....

even on the days where i can't wait until they go to bed so i can have a few moments to reflect...

even on the days where all it seems they do is fight with each other or challenge me....

even on the days where it seems that nothing any of us can do is right....

especially on the days where i hear them laugh and see them smile...

especially on the days where they play together for hours with not a mean word spoken....

especially on the days where everything goes right....

especially on the days when i really need a hug or a kiss and they are always there to give it to me....

i love those girls of mine...i am more than blessed to have them in my life and to be able to call them mine

3. my parents.....they have been in my life since the beginning...they have...

supported me....

encouraged me...

loved me unconditionally....

been there to help me pick up the pieces...one more than one occasion....

parented me....even when that meant not letting me go out with my friends...

gave me a solid family structure and always made me feel safe and secure....

pushed me and made me do things because they were "good for me"

4. my sister....even though we have not always seen eye to eye on everything i know that in my heart of hearts she will be there for me when i need her....

she has shown me compassion and love....

she has shown me what not to do to stay out of trouble....

she has shown me that you don't have to fit the "mold"...be who you are no matter what anyone else thinks....

5. my brother....even when he makes it hard to love him you just can't help but to....

my kid brother....

my partner in crime....

the one i never thought was an intrusion on the countless number of times he came to hang out with me and my friends when i was in high school....

the one man i know that has a heart of gold....

the one i can count on to get up at 2am on black friday and go shopping with me two years in a row....(if that isn't love i have no idea what is!!!!)

6. ice cold coke....the one thing that i will never give up no matter how health conscious i become...i can't....i won't...end of story!!!

7. sewing...i love being able to make something...to think outside the box....to mix and match and come up with something that no one else will be wearing....i love that my girls love that i sew for them!!!!

8. dating my husband......since colby has joined the army we have had the opportunity to leave the girls with my parents and go away for a few nights....we get to act like newlyweds again....spend time together where we can let loose and feel free....it's so important to our marriage to be able to do that and i am so very thankful to have wonderful parents that are outstanding grandparents that are willing to do that for us....thank you mom and dad

9. quiet time....i need it....i thrive when i have it....i'm a better mommy when i get it....if i don't get it i crave it and i can get quite irritable....i need to have some adult interaction throughout the day but more than that it is essential that i get my quiet time....

that's it...those are the things i love...the things i couldn't live without

oh my...look at this pic i found....

avery looks so young....and i figured it out....i figured out what makes her look so young...

she still has all of her baby teeth....once they loose those baby teeth they start looking like big kids....

she lost her first tooth when she was barely 5....and then they all fell out so quickly after that....

she is just growing up way too fast

x's & o's
~r~

10 Day Challenge - Day 8

day 8 - eight fears

i've always been one that prided myself in not being scared of too many things....

i could watch scary movies and go home alone and wouldn't think twice about it...not so much anymore...since hubby is gone i will not watch scary movies....we watched one while he was home for r&r and that was a mistake...i had trouble sleeping for almost a month after he went back to afghanistan....

i wasn't scared of walking in dark parking lots alone...i am now...it really kind of freaks me out...

i wasn't scared of much of anything.....

i don't believe that i felt as though i was invincible...i was just able to block it out...not think about it....

i think since becoming a mother i have stared to experience a bit of fear....nothing debilitating but as stated above...i can't even watch scary movies alone anymore...i need my big strong hubby here to protect me from the ghouls and goons *wink wink*

so my fears...the things in life that really kind of alarm me are:

1. first and foremost my biggest fear right now is that my husband will not come home.....for an entire year i will live in a constant state of fear that my husband will not come back....i think this is the scariest thing that i have ever had to live through...and this is the second time....

2. something happening to my children that i have no control over....it doesn't have to be something as horrible as death...but i fear that something bad will happen to my children that i can not protect them from....that really scares me....i really struggled with this when i sent avery to kindergarten and she was not with me 24/7...i no longer had that control and it was one of the hardest thing i had to do...give up that control

3. making the wrong decision when it comes to important issues concerning my family or our well being and having to live with the consequences....it's not just me anymore...i have a husband and children who depend on me....

4. dying young....i want to watch my children grown and become adults...i want to be a physical part of that...i know that if something were to happen to me they would be well taken care of but it breaks my heart thinking that if something happens to me i won't be there for their soccer games....their spelling bees...their school plays....their first dance....their prom...their graduation...going off to college...getting engaged...getting married...having their own children... i.don't.want.to.miss.one.moment.of.it

5. not being able to get pregnant again....not sure where this comes from as we have never had an issue getting pregnant but we both really want another child and it sometimes scares me to think that we will not be able to have another child....

6. failing....i have a fear...could possibly even be a little unnatural....of failing...doesn't matter what it is...sewing...cooking...tests...working out...not meeting peoples expectations of me...i have always had an issue with failing at anything that i did...i'm the one who got a b on their final exam which lowered their class grade to an a- and i beat myself up for it for months....me+failing= no bueno!!!!!

7. public speaking.....i haven't had to do it since i was working outside the home but oh how i despised it....despised it to the point that for weeks before my speaking engagement i would be physically sick....oh how i'm glad i work from home now...if you could have seen me in both my bachelors and my masters programs trying to do my speeches....ugh...i don't even want to think about it....

8. not being excepted....i have always been somewhat of a social dork...social settings and me do not go together at all....i do ok when i'm one on one with someone but put me in a group and i try to blend in with the wall...or the floor...or the big plant in the corner....i am not out going....i have a hard time being a conversationalist with people i do not know....and with this i have found that because of my shy nature there have been many times i am not excepted because people mistake my bashfulness for being snobby or stuck up...and that is so far from the truth....

so...those are my fears...i kind of rambled and if you are still reading thanks for sticking in there...i also wanted to share some pictures...oh how i love pictures....i need to get better about taking more...i WILL get better about taking more pictures..

so far...this picture below...it is my all time favorite picture of her...it just captures her to a 't'...nothing fancy or foofy about it...but this look on her face is just priceless (and believe me..she is full of these priceless looks)..but that is just what she is...priceless!!!!

happy hump day dear friends!!!

x's & o's

r

10 Day Challenge - Day Seven

day seven - wants

it goes without saying that right now there is nothing that i WAN T more than for my husband to be home with us...for our family to be whole again...for our hearts to be whole....that is my most immense want right now.....

want number two.....i WANT to continue to be the best mother that i can be....there are days where i fear that i am not doing right by my children...that i am failing them...that i am not doing everything right....so i WANT to be a good mother, the best mother that i can be....

want number three.....i WANT to go away with my hubby for a few nights all by ourselves...like we did when he came home for r&r...it was magical and wonderful and glorious and we just had the best time imaginable....

want number four....i WANT to go on a family vacation when this deployment is over...to include mom and dad....we love taking adventures as a family and i can't wait to go on our next one...

want number five....i WANT to learn patience and to practice it at all times...to include when i'm stressing a bit.....i have found that when colby is home i yell less, i have more patience, i am more understanding, i have more focus, i have more of so much more...i WANT to be able to do that at ALL times...not just when he is at home....i owe it to my children....

want number six.....i WANT a new car...we've had the good ol' murano for 8 years now...it's been paid off for over 3 years...we are ready for a new car with more space....excited for when colby gets home to go car shopping...we are pretty sure we will be getting a suburban...

want number seven....i WANT to continue to work on me...inside and out....to continue to learn that all parts of me...the good and the bad...are who i am and i need to be happy with that...

on another note....this baby girl pictured below...me dear sweet avery....

well.....................

i got a note from her teacher today.....

she has been chosen to be evaluated for the gifted program....

i couldn't be more proud of her than i am right now....

she is so smart and beautiful and so eager to learn...i am so happy that her wonderful teachers picked up on that and decided to have her tested/evaluated...

way to go baby girl...you make me so proud....keep shining sweet girl...the sky is the limit....

happy tuesday sweet readers

x's & o's
~r~

10 Day Challenge - Day 6

day 6 - six places

if you would have asked me 5 years ago "six places" i probably would have named off some exotic far away lands that had the perfect temperatures and the perfect hotels and the perfect fruity concoctions that involve "adult" beverages....

today...you ask me and the only place that i want to be more than anywhere at this very moment is...

in his arms....i want to hold him...be held by him...hug him...kiss him...touch him...be able to smell him when he has just finished a shower...be able to pick up the phone and call him...cuddle on the couch with him...snuggling with him...

simply put...i want to be with him...

i miss him so very much and being apart from your best friend...your soul mate...your true love really puts things into perspective...

you can keep your beaches...your far off getaways..your foo foo drinks...i just want to be with my husband.....if i were allowed....i would follow him to the ends of the earth...

and since i can't be in his arms for another four and a half months give or take....

place number two is wherever these little girls are...

they each hold a very special piece of my heart....

sure there are days where i must retreat to my closet and hide while i take a few (ok, sometimes LOTS) of deep breaths...but i love each of these little ladies with all that i am...they truly complete me as a person....

place number three would be with my parents....

i miss them....they are so supportive and giving and loving and caring parents a girl could ask for....

things have not always been perfect.....

sure i gave them a run for their money when i was younger.....testing the limits and the boundaries...giving grey hairs and maybe even a few panic attacks...

but now, now that i am an adult and have children and i look back...i am so grateful that my parents raised me and cared for me the way that they did...for that i am forever grateful and thankful....

i hope that i can give my children the kind of foundation my parents gave me...

place number four.....

a cool fall day spent at the park with my girls.....

seeing things through their eyes....experiencing things i have experienced a million times but when i'm with them it feels like it's the first time....

feeling the warm sun kiss my skin even though there is a nip in the air.....

running through the leaves...rolling down the hill.....swinging on swings...going down the slide...racing up the hill....

i am looking forward to the quickly approaching fall weather....oh the adventures that we are going to have....

place number five.....disney!!!!!

we were fortunate enough to take the girls and my parents last summer for a family vacation...and we are looking forward to going back when this damn deployment is over....

advice....if you are sensitive to the heat and sun like i am...DO NOT go in may...or anytime other than the winter months....

GASP...it was SO SO SO hot....but still a good time to be had by all.....

i am delighted that we will be able to take the kids and parents again this february...

place number six......maryland

in addition to our trip to disney last summer we also went to maryland over the 4th of july weekend to visit family....

the girls had a wonderful time as did we.....

i grew up spending many vacations on the east coast...i have found memories of my aunts and uncles and cousins....

fond memories of going to the beach....exploring the history of my family....visiting places where my dad grew up....going crabbing...and so much more...

i hope that we will be able to continue to travel to maryland and give our girls the same experiences i had that i remember so adoringly

so there you have it...my six places....

nothing fancy....nothing over the top exciting....nothing lavish....

just simple places where i am with my family...with the people that mean the most to me....

happy monday friends

x's and o's
~r~

10 Day Challenge - Day Five

day five - five foods

i am not a huge food person.....i don't do comfort food...i'm not a stress eater....just not really into food all that much....

i eat because it's just one of those things that we kind of have to do...kind of like the fact we have to breath....

i am also really finding it really arduous right now to cook...i don't mind cooking when colby is home...i'm actually not bad at it...

but when he's not home i am cooking for me (the one who really doesn't care for food) and for a six year old and a three year old who would be happy with hot dogs or peanut butter and jelly six nights out of the week....

it seems like a complete and utter waste of time...because i have SOOOOOO much more i could be doing other than determining what to feed the divas and me for din-din

so my five foods that i don't think i could live without are....

*colby's breakfast burritos.....so glad i can't have them because just looking at them packs the pounds on me...the potatoes and bacon and cheese and eggs...omg...so so SO yummy

*my mom's potato salad.....this is as close to comfort food as i get...i have never tasted any ones potato salad that comes close to my moms...i could eat JUST that for an entire meal....

*peanut butter fudge....one of my dearest friends, miranda, actually made this for me and it was the first time i had eaten it...i was hooked....i now have a recipe for it but i will only make it when i know lots of people will be around....otherwise i will eat the ENTIRE batch....and then i will have to explain to adilyn who also is in love with the stuff why there is not more left...not a good situation for us....

*nachos from target.....i'm not even going to say anything else about these....they are bad bad bad for me but it is one thing i can not resist...oh the mounds and mounds of flowing cheese...bad bad bad......

*coke...ice cold coke...from the tap preferably...and before you say it isn't a food....i could live off of it for at a long time...coke is in a food group all in itself....since i have been working out and trying to take better care of myself i have really limited my coke intake....but i HAVE to have it everyday....it is my lifeline to sanity...

so there you have it...my five foods....

and of course i am still going through my gazillion pictures and wanted to share some more...

happy sunday to you all

xoxoxoxoxoxo ~r~